Base Camp is where visitors go to relax, unwind, and get familiar with an anthology of earlier material.

Baby It’s Cold Outside (AKA You Ain’t Going Nowhere?)

Baby, It’s Cold Outside: a male-female duet originally performed by Dean Martin and Doris Day, which, as Conan O’Brien pointed out in a recent show, carries a disturbing message.

Centering around a woman who wants to go home and a guy who won’t let her leave, it’s downright creepy, if not code for harassment/rape.

What the hell am I talking about? Take a look at the lyrics for yourself. Note: this version is sung by Johnny Mercer and Margaret Whiting.

Note 2: first come the man’s lines, followed by the woman’s. My own translation is in [xyz].

MAN: I really can’t stay

WOMAN: Baby it’s cold outside
 I’ve got to go away [I want to leave] 

M: Baby it’s cold outside [stay]

W: This evening has been

M: Been hoping that you’d drop in

W: So very nice [thanks but no thanks] 

M: I’ll hold your hands, they’re just like ice [this is me manhandling you]

W: My mother will start to worry [I gotta go] 

M: Beautiful, what’s your hurry? [stay]

W: Father will be pacing the floor [I gotta go] 

M: Listen to the fireplace roar [I’m really turned on]

W: So really I’d better scurry [I don’t want to stay!] 

M: Beautiful, please don’t hurry [we ain’t done yet!]

W: Maybe just a half a drink more [I can’t think straight] 

M: Put some records on while I pour [we’re just getting started]

W: The neighbors might think [people will find out] 

M: Baby, it’s bad out there [no one’s going to see]

W: Say, what’s in this drink? [you spiked my fucking drink!] 

M: No cabs to be had out there [yep, and by the way, you’re stranded!]

W: I wish I knew how

M: Your eyes are like starlight now

W: To break this spell [I’m drunk and helpless] 

M I’ll take your hat, your hair looks swell [this is me taking your clothes off]

W: I ought to say no, no, no [stop it!] 

M: Mind if I move in closer? [let’s do this!]

W: At least I’m gonna say that I tried [I can’t fend you off!] 

M: What’s the sense in hurting my pride? [don’t resist!]

W: I really can’t stay [let me go!] 

M: Baby don’t hold out [stop resisting!] Ah, but it’s cold outside

W: I’ve got to get home [you bastard!] 

M: Oh, baby, you’ll freeze out there [blah blah!]

W: Say, lend me your coat [I’m vulnerable and hurting] 

M: It’s up to your knees out there [no one will help you]

W: You’ve really been grand [you’ve hurt me] 

M: I thrill when you touch my hair [I had a good time!]

W: Why don’t you see

M: How can you do this thing to me?

W: There’s bound to be talk tomorrow [I’ll report you] 

M: Think of my life long sorrow [don’t]

W: At least there will be plenty implied [even if you shut me up, people will know what you did] 

M: If you caught pneumonia and died [one word and you’re dead]

W: I really can’t stay [I gotta go] 

M: Get over that hold out [get over it, let’s do it again]

W: Ah, but it’s cold outside

Oh, baby, it’s cold outside
 Oh, baby, it’s cold outside

Freaked out yet?