[Previously on The True Colors Of An Express Breakfast: Let’s cut to the chase. Let me describe a few of the food items to you so you can judge for yourselves.]
First there’s the bread. Sliced, thick bread, the kind that comes in Pullmans, sitting in the sticky bread basket, made from 10% wheat and 90% water. Squeeze it in your hand and you can make putty out of it. Throw it across the room and you can kill someone with it, or make a hole in the plywood wall. You can also keep it in your pockets for emergencies, such as plugging in holes in the wall, in your car’s exhaust pipe, or the freakin’ Hoover Dam.
There’s two kinds of bread available. One is white as snow, for the unhealthy types, the other is white-pretending-to-be-brown, for those who think they’re doing the right thing. You can toast both kinds in a four-slot toaster to evaporate the water in the pasty dough and make the slices edible. Get them crisp and crunchy, and you can spread butter on them, jam, even maple syrup.
Which brings us to the next item on the counter . . .
Watch this space for Part 3