I-Land is where memories and experiences turn into short stories, personal journal entries and narration in first person, part memoir, part fiction, exploring topics such as the relation between humans and the societies they live in.

The Reason Why I Drink: Friday | An I-Land Special

The Reason Why I Drink: A Confession In Seven Parts by Xavier Wayson, One For Every Day Of The Week (Spring 2015 edition)


Friday . . .

‘Time is spent in one of two ways: either in abject solitude, wishing one had some company to share things with, or in plenty of company, wishing one were left alone to appreciate everything in peace.’

My name is Xavier Wayson and I have more than one opinion on things. I don’t do black or white. Life’s too rich for that. I’m both black and white, depending on the angle, because things depend on other things, sometimes holding up, others times succumbing to the exception, forming an evolving narrative.

Yes, life is annoying like that. Too rich for the austere mind.

Some people make do by overcompensating. They confuse richness with greyness. Their answer to black and white, they use grey to do away with life’s edgy contradictions, painting everything flat and soulless.

Bad choice, lackluster. Grey is just one of the colors available to us. Plenty to go around. Life is a kaleidoscope, bursting with nuance, hitting frequency after frequency, grade after grade, which makes people mad because people prefer, by and large, to be in control of the situation. They like most things clearcut and straightforward. They want everyone to commit to an opinion, fast. Make sense of things chop-chop. Come on, tell me, where do you stand on this? Out with it, make your opinion clear in two sentences, three tops, and quit flip-flopping. Saying shit like ‘things depend on the circumstances’ is a copout. Make up your mind and stick to it. Context? Overrated! Quit stalling and make up your goddamn mind.

To which I can only say three words: Neanderthals gonna bye-bye. If absolute beliefs were the stuff of life, we’d be worshipping thunderbolts and tsunamis with a vengeance. We don’t anymore. We’ve moved beyond that. Life has evolved. Absolute opinion is not an intelligent way of going about things. It may be practical, and kind of natural, but there’s a big fucking pit at the end of it.

What makes a difference and headway is richness of opinion.

So no, I don’t do absolute. Or just grey. I do options. Chance. Opportunity. My game is applications, millions of them, to each their own and all together, depending on the context, and those who can’t stand me for how I perceive life are obstacles and hindrances. Their attempts to close down my scope to suit their narrow perspectives is an act of hostility in my books.

Sadly, there’s a lot of this shit going on. Narrow and stuck is what one has to deal with all the time. Life is full of selfish people with whom to share experience, every one of them looking to grind things down to a scripted and predictable halt. They drive things into dead ends, creating impossible situations. Be kind but make a killing at work. Be generous but also selfish, self-driven, self-actualized and all you can be, all while being honest and forthright, yet don’t ever say more than you have to, and keep most emotions to yourself. It’s rude to be outspoken, although you need to be candid, the world needs candidness, we can’t have enough of it, except when we go through the motions, ticking the boxes and moving on swiftly to the next item in order.

How are you? Fine, thanks, and you? Fine. Great! Moving on.

I can’t stand it, to see the wonder of being alive being wasted in the aftermath of selfishness and disconnection. The conundrum of cognitive dissonance in constant play, wearing the psyche down.

So I drink. I drink and imbibe when not writing about the dire straits of today’s lukewarm world in order to add some much needed kick to my days and nights. A dash of yellow and azul in today’s greying black-and-white. Salt on the rim. Fire in the ice to turn the big empty bland wilderness constituting today’s affairs into something exquisite. The mindless friction and unnecessary baggage weighing life down at every step of the way, even when the way ahead is clear, I drink and imbibe to smoothen its scabrous surface, filling in the void created by the lack of connection between people.

Well worth the sting.

Watch this space for Saturday . . .

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