[Previously on TTC: I am currently weighed down by the burdens from which I was supposed to break free, still a slave to many of the mindless drudgeries of the world, and it irks me, and acknowledging it helps me deal with it.]
I don’t like commitment. It keeps people captive and dwarfed. Most times anyway.
Let’s be honest. Commitment is not necessarily associated with prison or slavery. Commitment has positive connotations, like devotion, duty, loyalty, love, the essence of which I respect, relish and have observed throughout my life. But there’s more to commitment than settling down and doing your duty. Settling down is a tug away from being tied down, doing what is expected of you, demanded of you, commanded of you. It’s abiding by the assumptions of other people, their collective apprehension preordaining your life.
Personality and Past. They’re a matrix. Society constructs this matrix through everyone’s aggregate understanding of one another, creating the shared impressions that determine people’s lives. My understanding of you determines how I react to you in the future, and vice versa. Your expectations affect how I fare in life, and so on and so forth, because what we expect from one another is what we react to, the sea on which the ship sails, the weather it sails through, the crew that steers it forth. When a little commitment is involved, things come together and progress is made. When too much commitment is involved, life becomes predictable and burdensome, especially where the future is concerned. Lives gel, then they set, then they stick and stutter and falter. Our personalities and past come together in ways that keep individuals chained, bound, incarcerated, like a crazy harbor master keeps the ships in his domain perpetually bound for inspection, not with the aim of readying them for another journey, but simply to assert his perverse control.
If one enjoys stability and familiarity, that’s a very good thing.
If one is curious and likes to test the boundaries, it isn’t.
What better way to identify the Matrix we live in than step outside it for a moment? Roam around in the ‘desert of the real,’ (thank you Wachowski Bros, thank you Jean Baudrillard) and realize what we’re all about without the preconditioned effects of a life preordained long ago?
What joy to escape from a life that weighs things down. To be able to crack a joke that shines for what it is instead of what people think it alludes to on account of their prior understanding of you.
What a release to be able to talk and laugh and converse freely rather than be seen to be ‘making statements,’ or ‘crafting innuendos,’ which supposedly refer to a number of things, based on what happened yay years ago.
What deliverance to no longer be part of a stale state of affairs, to drop the old slate and pick a clean one.
What deliverance to be the product of something fresh and energetic instead of a recycled leftover in an endless rumination process.
What joy to start anew.
Watch this space for Part 6