Dear friends, I have been writing for a while about human affairs, mostly for my own satisfaction. Last year this satisfaction gave way to an impulse, a need to push the envelope much further than before. See where that would lead.
So down went the switch and up came the impulses, up, up, bursting through the dams of propriety. What wasn’t supposed to be uttered in public started being uttered. The things on people’s minds, bouncing around between their skulls, which I could hear when the night fell and the engines went to sleep, found an exit. Pop — out they came, like popcorn, flying through the air. I gorged on them and made more, pop-pop-pop-pop. I’m talking about those thoughts we all entertain but keep secret, striving not to let anyone become aware of them — yes, you know what I mean, the usual stuff — hating your job, your wife, your husband, your kids, your life, your country, your culture, everything you do. That kind of stuff, nothing out of the ordinary. We all have them to a greater or lesser degree, now and then, or all the time, depending on the person.
But we hate to admit it. We believe there’s something wrong with us if we feel that way, afraid we’re the only ones who experience these kinds of emotions, hating ourselves even more for having them, feeling guilty over them — or, and here’s the whitewash, pretending we don’t have them, never had them, making ourselves feel good about ourselves again through fabulous denial. We paint over our psyches with a gloss that makes us feel fine and normal again and get on with business as usual.
Newsflash: the coat shows. The fake laughter, the frozen smiles, the rehearsed demeanors we practice every day to make ourselves accessible to all kinds of people, from loved ones and friends, to strangers, to all the ball-busters and time-wasters and short-sellers that stalk us — they show. A trained eye can pick them out. They’re called ‘defences’ and they help us negotiate the world around us. An untrained eye can pick them out, too, only it can’t pinpoint them, leading the mind to all kinds of conclusions. People see all kinds of things in us, many of which don’t represent what we really feel, adding to our sense of disconnection from those observing and judging us. Be we man, woman or child, the coats we apply to ourselves to hide our true feelings show, and the people surrounding us share even less common space with us.
Intrigued? Watch this space for more.
EON has something to tell you.