Trojan Horse. Everyone knows what it stands for: a weapon disguised as a gift.
Trump. Donald. Lord Little Fingers AKA His Petulance, Head of the Royal Charter for Big Speak Duffsense and Hot-Air Balloonery, or, to his friends, El Donald Ninyo, all bluster and promises, all beautiful and terrifically terrific, so terrific it’s impossible not to mention how terrific he is — that thing he does so well, very, very terrific. The Donald Trumparooni himself, Trojan Horse of 2017.
Here’s where we’re going with this. Imagine a political party out of office for eight long years. Driven mental by life in the opposition. Frothy at the mouth and other bodily regions. Nope, they have control of the Senate so they’re not completely out of touch with authority — on the contrary, they set the tone on all things legislative. But not the administration. They have no power over the executive arm of the Union, and things aren’t looking up for them, not even after their eight-year-stretch in the safety of the opposition.
Not only that, this bereft political party may lose control of the Supreme Court. Talk about setbacks. Mental factor squared, rising to the nth degree and blowbacking its rancid way through the terms. Mental factor iterated with a little salt on the wound for extra kicks.
Plus, the icing on the mocking cake: the party’s poor slate of ideas. Way behind in terms of the times, its ideology is corrupt and dated, problematic, its institutional anger mounting as the times keep testing its mandates and positions, its loyal members irked, tantalized, reminded they’re on the wrong side of history.
Hell hath no fury like self-appointed saviors hell bent on saving the world. This party’s leadership and members combined, they desire the presidency, now. Control of the administration, of the land and everything in it, the entirety of people’s lives and souls and livelihoods, their bodies and minds and daily habits, everything — they want to command it at all costs.
But this ideologically and morally misguided party can’t get elected to save their own foreskin, which many of them don’t have in the first place. Some are circumcized, others don’t need to be.
So they do what they do for their precious skin, too, which hurts when wounded, be it masculine or feminine, and still, despite their best efforts, they’re unsuccessful. They just cannot, are not — and it’s hard not to see why, spot the rot — they’re completely and utterly unable to produce a winning candidate. Their positions are that raw and questionable, their standing fundamentally rigged and insecure. Public opinion sees right through them, makes a meal out of their dated, obsolete claptrap. The diamonds in their rough and tangled positions too minuscule and scarce to make up for the toss they keep spewing, the sediment they stir up in the name of righteousness too toxic for all kinds of life, except weeds and pollutants and a hostile environment at large.
So the public vote goes against them repeatedly and without effort, as does the electoral college vote. Their legacy is an election cycle away from being extinguished, flushed down the sociopolitical and cultural drain, down today’s sewer systems and straight into the cesspools of yesteryear where it will rot and fester, brewing fossil fuels for tomorrow’s miners — fuels which they would happily light up in a flash if they could, these hardliner ideologues — yes, they’d set themselves on fire and sell their fumes for a profit and two sermons on the mountain of doom (doom posing as hope and redemption), preaching faith and salvation from the temptations of vice with one face, all care and wisdom, laying everything to waste with the other.
In short, they’re so full of shit, they could power the planet for centuries with it.
I could go on and on, piling on the comparisons, mixing the metaphors, a Russian salad of simile and allusion, but I digress. The point is one, and very clear: that this poor and misdirected political party with their angry and self-righteous, starving-for-power candidates and their livid and misled supporters cannot for the love of God elect a president of their own, not if they pluck him or her out of a slate of veterans and governors and other famous figures and donate said candidate to charity.
But they want control of the executive branch of government. They desire the presidency with ravenous glee, and will do anything to achieve their goals.
Believe it or not, they have a cunning plan …
Watch this space for Part 2